There Are No Therapists, But There's Lukas
by Kessie-Louise
Summary: Jesse has a nightmare about Reuben and goes to his memorial to talk to him. There may be no therapists- but there is Lukas. [Fem!Jesse][mild Lukesse][May become a series of oneshots if there's enough interest]


"Reuben!" Jesse screamed, catapulting out of her nightmare. Her heart was racing as if she had been running from something that insisted on getting her. Her head was swimming in confusion as she tried to reevaluate where she was and that she was no longer dreaming. Failing to calm herself down again, Jesse shook as she got out of bed and put on some shoes. Moving as if she were in a dream, Jesse started to make her way to the New Order of the Stone's treasure room.

Jesse walked over to Reuben's memorial and looked at it as if she wasn't are that she had walked herself over to it.

"Hey… Reuben..." she said, looking up at the framed pork chop, "I… I had a dream about you."

Only silence answered her, but she took it as a sign to continue any way.

"It… it starts out alright, I guess. Just you and I, playing, and it seems so real. I can almost feel you against me again, it's so real. But then..." Jesse paused, looking down. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. "But then we're falling. We're falling into this… this dark pit and you're injured for some reason- calling out to me and I try… I try to...

"I keep falling Reuben, I keep falling and… and the more we fall, the more pain you're in and… and I can't reach you, no matter what I do. Then… then the Wither Storm comes and… and pulls you in. You scream and scream but I get further and further away, and… and your screams only get louder and..."

At this point, Jesse's legs didn't have enough strength to keep her up and she fell to the ground in a weeping heap. She felt sick. She didn't want to move from this spot either. It didn't have to be Reuben that day- it should have been her.

From behind, someone walked up to Jesse, but she didn't bother to see who it was. Whoever it was said not a word as they got down next to her, then wrapped their arms around her body. Their head rested against her back to nestle against her in comfort. Jesse didn't care who it was or why they were there, but in realizing that she had needed someone to hold her, she immediately entwined her arms around the arms of the person hugging her. For a moment, she realized that the person may be familiar, but she couldn't place from where until they spoke;

"I can get Axel or Olivia if you want me to Jesse."

"Lukas…?"

Jesse wiggled a bit out of his grasp to turn around and look at him. Sure enough, it was Lukas there, looking back at her with a still expression.

"I heard you talking to..." he explained, not finishing his sentence to look up at the framed pork chop that remained of Reuben.

"It's almost been two years Lukas." Jesse mumbled, her eyes already glossing over with more tears. "Why can't I just… let him go…?"

Lukas did not have an answer, allowing time for Jesse to begin crying again. Unsure of what else to do, he pulled her back in for a hug. From there, all Jesse could do was cry.

"Do… do you still h-have nightmares ab-about Ender… Endermen…?" Jesse eventually croaked to Lukas, who was actually surprised that she wanted to say anything right now.

"Oh I've stopped having nightmares about Endermen." Lukas informed her. "They're all about PAMA now."

"P-PAMA?"

Lukas gave a slow nod. "PAMA was inside our minds Jesse. It knew what we loved, and it knew what we feared. And it… _used_ the two to give us our greatest dreams… And then morph it into our greatest nightmare. When PAMA was in control, everyone's scared, frantic thoughts all came together. When you realize that you can see their thoughts, and they can see yours, and… and you're all suffering, feeling each other's pain, it gets… It's indescribably horrifying..."

Jesse didn't know this, and now she was starting to feel bad for him. And even worse for herself for not saving him sooner.

"I… I didn't know that..."

Lukas placed his chin on top of Jesse's head as he thought it over. He closed his eyes as the pain of remembering PAMA's control flooded his mind far too quickly. He'd never tell Jesse what PAMA forced him to see, but the idea of it made Lukas hold his friend tighter.

"Petra and I, we get together and talk about it some times." he eventually admitted. "But you… Why won't you talk to Axel or Olivia about this? Jesse, you need to talk to _someone_ about this."

"Who…?" Jesse questioned, moving a little so she could look Lukas in the eye. "Who would I talk to about this Lukas? Who wants to see their fearless leader mourning over a pig?!"

"Well..." her friend lulled over, "I'm here. I sure as hell know that you're just as human as I am and everyone else, so I don't care if you stain this jacket with snot or whatever. Reuben was practically your spirit animal Jesse- if there's someone out there who thinks that he didn't mean a thing to you, then I'll personally walk over to them and beat the living pulp out of them."

Jesse was silent for a moment before letting out a small chuckle.

"What?" Lukas questioned.

"You'd have to start kicking yourself around then." Jesse told him. This didn't help his confusion much, so she elaborated with a simple, "When PAMA had control of you, it used Reuben as a means to beat me down. You said that, so..."

Lukas's whole demeanor changed to one much darker. "That was PAMA." he darkly reminded her. "I would never say that to you. Ever."

"I know," Jesse admitted, her smile growing wider. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to let you live it down."

Lukas glared at Jesse, checking to see as if she was just pulling his leg or whatever. But he noticed that she was smiling again and his paranoia went away in knowing that her mood was turning around.

"Jesse…" he then began to say slowly, "You know I can't take away the pain. The best I can do is to tell you that… it'll pass, some day. I can help you until that day comes. Olivia can help you. Axel could help. Petra, Ivor, _everyone_ would help you if you need it."

Jesse's smile had started to dissipate, as if she had gone back into thinking of darker things again.

"Lukas..." Jesse softly spoke up.

"Yeah?"

"Can… can you help me? I thought I could… recover from losing Reuben. But I can't. I need someone and… and I..."

Lukas gave Jesse a friendly smile. "Of course. Whatever you need me for. Even in the middle of the night, alright?"

Jesse looked at Lukas and gave him a grateful smile back.


End file.
